need another drink. this is the easiest way
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
