I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
send nudes
from the living room?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
