U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
