Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
