How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
