you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
