Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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