On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
