Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
