I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
