I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
