I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to calm my uterus...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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