whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
