I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
