I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
