He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
