the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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