it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
