By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
