I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.