that's an acceptable place to lick
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.