capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me