She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.