But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
