I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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