Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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