the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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