She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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