I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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