So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
