Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
