just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
