Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
