Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
