Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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