You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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