trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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