im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
