Ambien. No doubt about it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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