I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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