you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
