I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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