I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
love makes seman taste better
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
