How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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