but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize