It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
