i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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