Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
