It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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