i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
