I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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