Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Less talking, more tequila
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
