Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
