the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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