Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
