Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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