I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i barfeds in our rink
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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