Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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