Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
