its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
