I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
